More About Me

  A little more about "me".  

 I am 38 years old, single with no kids. I have my niece and nephews - and my dogs. Now don't get me wrong , my dogs are not "little people in fur coats", they are dogs. They are also companions, roommates, guardians, comedians, counselors and friends.
  As previous posts make obvious, I am morbidly obese and considering a drastic life change via weight loss surgery. In a way I am anxiously excited but in another I am terrified.  Food is a comfort to me.  Which brings me to another "fascinating tidbit" about me - I deal with major depression and PTSD as constant thorns in my side.

   I have a less than inspiring past and it haunts me still. I have been in counseling with the most amazing therapist ever for about 5 years. I was in counseling for 3 years prior to that with someone who was very demanding, controlling and triggered my codependence in a huge way. I tell T (Therapist) quite often that not only does he have to make amends for the male gender, he also is cleaning up messes made by other counselors.

   All of that to say today I accomplished nothing.  I had the exhaustion that only comes with my old familiar friend - depression. Lifting my arms to put on a T-shirt was more than I could take. I know and recognize this villain, so I fought through the fog and made myself accomplish at least the basics today - dressing, feeding chickens, tending meaties, gathering eggs.  I only gave the horses hay because I wasn't willing to make a second trip to the barn to turn Buddy out of his paddock.

  I ate lunch (hotdogs *sigh* ) and went back to bed. I will do my job and live for 1a.m.  and pray for a better day tomorrow.