More About Me

  A little more about "me".  

 I am 38 years old, single with no kids. I have my niece and nephews - and my dogs. Now don't get me wrong , my dogs are not "little people in fur coats", they are dogs. They are also companions, roommates, guardians, comedians, counselors and friends.
  As previous posts make obvious, I am morbidly obese and considering a drastic life change via weight loss surgery. In a way I am anxiously excited but in another I am terrified.  Food is a comfort to me.  Which brings me to another "fascinating tidbit" about me - I deal with major depression and PTSD as constant thorns in my side.

   I have a less than inspiring past and it haunts me still. I have been in counseling with the most amazing therapist ever for about 5 years. I was in counseling for 3 years prior to that with someone who was very demanding, controlling and triggered my codependence in a huge way. I tell T (Therapist) quite often that not only does he have to make amends for the male gender, he also is cleaning up messes made by other counselors.

   All of that to say today I accomplished nothing.  I had the exhaustion that only comes with my old familiar friend - depression. Lifting my arms to put on a T-shirt was more than I could take. I know and recognize this villain, so I fought through the fog and made myself accomplish at least the basics today - dressing, feeding chickens, tending meaties, gathering eggs.  I only gave the horses hay because I wasn't willing to make a second trip to the barn to turn Buddy out of his paddock.

  I ate lunch (hotdogs *sigh* ) and went back to bed. I will do my job and live for 1a.m.  and pray for a better day tomorrow.

I love pumpkins!

This weekend I spent a lot of time in the kitchen.  On Friday I cooked down 3 sugar pumpkins and scraped them clean. I ended up freezing 3qts of pumpkin puree and left one out for Saturday. 

 Saturday morning I cooked another 3 pumpkins and scraped them out.  I made a quick trip to buy foil loaf pans, and then I started making pumpkin bread. It was awesome, and believe it or not the bread tastes great!!

yes there is a slice already missing :)

After finishing the bread and feeding the pumpkin scraps to my chickens, I roasted pumpkin seeds. The sugar pumpkins evidently do not have great seeds for this but I did it anyway. One batch we roasted in butter and sea salt, the other in butter, garlic powder and Worchestershire sauce. Eh... I'll have to try my hand at planting pumpkins so I can get some bigger better seeds.

My meatie chickens are growing out pretty well.  I figure the weekend after Thanksgiving we might do our first batch of 7. I need to buy a scale so I know what we get for our money.

 We are now under a tornado warning, so signing off before we blow away.

I love November

This is the best time of year! I love November!  Right now our low temperatures are in the 50s, highs in the 70s. No rain on the 10 day forecast.  Woot!


  I am excited to go ahead and pick my frosty squash and pull up dead pea vines so I can till the garden. I have 2 separate compost piles "cooking" thanks to the meatie chickens, my layers and the horses.  Next target for compost is Mr M's leaf pile!


  The meats are loving being in the sunshine. I read today where someone had a meatie bird die as it ran towards them - I sure hope that doesn't happen to me.


   Friends at work want a total of 8 dozen eggs for Thanksgiving;' as long as all the hens keep laying consistently it shouldn't be a problem.


   Still thinking seriously about weight loss surgery. Yesterday I talked to a couple of people who have had the surgery and asked them some questions. I think the thing I dread most is finding out that my favorite foods make me sick. This varies from person to person, but I know my stinking rotten luck.   I still have a little time to think about it and get my questions in order before I see Dr. R.

Playing Catchup

Saturday after I posted here, I discovered one of the meatie chickens dead.  I have lost 4 to various causes, bringing me to 21.


   Yesterday I needed a serious sanity check. I went into "poor pitiful me" mode and just couldn't seem to shake it.  My squash plants are dead from the frost, but they still have several tiny yellow squash. I don't know if the squash will make it or not, I'll probably pick them Friday.
    When I was tending to the remaining franken-chickens I began to feel like they really aren't living much of a better life than industry birds. Because of the cold weather they have been confined to a child's wading pool in the dark, with only red lamps for heat and light.


    So today I closed off part of the meatie run and put all 21 in it. I dragged the nasty stinking pool over to the compost pile to work on the spring garden.  My dad helped me and we put tin and hardware cloth up so that I can close the meats under the shelter at night, but let them loose on the grass and dirt during the warm sunshiny part of the day.


   I tried making butter from fresh milk I bought at Apple Market last week, but I barely got a tablespoon full. Expensive toast.


   Pumpkins tomorrow!! Or so I hope!  I really want to cook my pumpkins down and make pumpkin bread, muffins and pie filling. If it works out I'll be thrilled!




On a personal note - since I have no followers or even anyone who knows about this blog:


   I am so sick of being overweight. Not just a little chunky, but morbidly disgustingly obese.  The roller coaster of weight loss  and gain has been my life highway. Now that I am pushing 40  (August  2012) I am really seeing everything I am missing out on.
For example:
- My boys.  I hate being such an embarassment to them at their baseball games etc. I understand that all adults are an embarassment to pre-teen and teenage boys, but being my size brings a special kind of humiliation to them. They, of course, are too kind to say so.


- horses.  Having Buddy at the house makes me ache with longing - I want to ride. I want to explore Coldwater on horseback, with Rio running out ahead.  I want to feel the wind on my face and the sun baking my arms. I want to attend fundraisers for the horse council without having people looking me up and down in disgust and disbelief.


- garden. I love love love working outside. Even with my garden being a total failure, I loved the feeling of hard work, sore muscles and sweat in my eyes. The feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction when the first tiny sprouts break out of their earthen prison.


- friends. Not only for the friends I have - being able to go places and do thing without being constantly aware of how much room I take up; but also making new friends.  I can't imagine what it would feel like to have the confidence to go to a new class at church, or greet new people on my team at work. 


- me.  The feeling of being comfortable in my own skin is unthinkable. For me to even try imagine liking the way I look , or finding my looks worth attention (ie nicer clothes, make-up, etc) is a cloudy picture that I can't even begin to comprehend.




All of this to say - when I have my doc appointment the first part of December, I am going to talk to Dr. R about the weight loss surgery. 

Frost Date - 11/6

We had our first frost last night. I think I have lost 3 of my squash plants.


   Yesterday I spent the day busily preparing for the cooler weather. I had a list of priority tasks needing my attention. Somehow, the priority list ended up being done in reverse which left my squash uncovered in the icy air.
  My dad helped me build a doghouse for Rio, my 2 1/2 year old yellow Lab. He is the definition of loyalty and companionship. Every night when I come home from work Rio is there waiting for me.  Storms, wind, cold - he is there waiting.  Hopefully he will figure out the doghouse and at least get out of the rain and wind.

Rio at "Barktoberfest"

I also cleaned out the chickenhouse and put a deep layer of wheat straw for the floor. My dad helped me again and we hung up a piece of plywood on the north wall to stop drafts.

  There are 4 people who make my life worth living - my niece and 3 nephews. Bridgett, my 20yr old niece, is working and putting herself through school. She wants to study to be an RN. Her brother, Billy, is my oldest nephew at 18yrs.  He has some learning disabilities - he also currently has an "A" in Calculus. They live in Texas.

   My sister's boys live here. Jared is 15 and a sophomore on the baseball and golf teams at his high school. Trevor is 12 and loves baseball. He plays baseball and can also give you any and every bit of trivia for MLB.

They are all my heart and soul.

All of that to say, my attempts at homemade butter and homemade pumpkin pie filling will be placed on hold because Jared has a baseball game this afternoon.

Somebody cover up the squash for me? And lock the door on your way out.

First Steps

I don't know how well the "blogging" thing will work for me, but I want to give it a try. I am at an age and stage in life where I need to decide what I am going to be when I grow up. I want to be a farmer.
 Not a big acre, multi-tractor, crops for cash kind of farmer, but a homesteader - a sufficient self.


   I have already started baby steps for my journey. In the spring I planted a 40'x60' garden.  I have a lot to learn in order to overcome my black thumb.

I also bought 16 pullet chicks in the spring. Big Poppy, formerly known as Marge, is my lone (surprise) rooster.

Now, I am trying my hand at raising meat chickens. I never thought I would see the day, but here I am.  They are Cornish Rock x , and as of 11/3 they were 2 weeks old. Meaties eat.. and eat... so that they have lots of energy to grow, poop and eat.

I started fostering horses in early August. I still have my first foster, he hasn't been able to find a home. I am ok with this.  I also have a 28yr old mare, Skye. I have had her since she was 6 and I was 16. 

 The rest of my menagerie includes 4 cats in my house, 2 outside and 2 at my parent's house. I also have a 14yr old yellow Lab - Buford- and a 2 1/2 year old yellow Lab - Rio.

This mostly will serve as a central recordkeeping page and photo album, but I would also welcome someone to walk alongside to coach, encourage and learn from and with.

  So put on some comfortable shoes and join me as I continue the babysteps of finding myself in farming - small scale style.