Copy / Paste

Since I have fallen behind here, I will just copy / paste from my OH blog  :)
----------------------------
June 25
 Last night I was thinking about surgery and about how I had an anxiety attack waking up from my wisdom teeth surgery.  I was thinking (worrying) about being "tied down'  by IV tubes and compression socks, etc.  About going sooo long without anything to drink and how that dry scratchy throat triggers panic attacks for me.... and right there last night I had horrible anxiety. I had to get up after a while and take some meds because it was like there was electricity all under my skin.

  If I freak out just THINKING about those things, what is going to happen when they are reality?
I have told my surgeon's nurse about my anxiety, but I just don't know how to impress on them how much of a problem it can really be.  I see my PCP but not until Aug 2 so I don't know if that will be time for him to help me through it or not. My counselor will be in town and available, but that isn't going to do me much good in recovery.   *sigh*  I am afraid.  Not of pain (not looking forward to it, but not afraid of it), not of dying (I am a Christian and know where I will be).... I am afraid of being afraid!!  sheesh.  
------------------------

July 1
I had my session with J, my counselor today. I have been seeing him for years because of PTSD, depression, etc and he will be my counselor through the WLS as well.  I am buddies with him and his wife... not "Grill out and watch the game" kind of friends, but  "wave hello at church and give me a call sometime" buddies.  He is very excited for me having WLS and has been reading mental health sites so he will be brushed up / fresh on the info.... that means a lot to me.

   We talked some about my anxiety attack last Friday night.  He wants me to continue to picture myself going through the pre-surgery admission process but to be more aware of when I start feeling anxious.  I will call him as soon as I am halfway coherent after surgery - my sister will call him and let him know how I am doing. He said he and his wife may come visit if it is ok with me - I am thinking who cares if he hears me "toot",  I will love to have a grounding visit from him. 

   I have a busy day tomorrow. I keep planning to do so much towards exercising and I always seem to get through the day without it.  I did do a lot of hard work outside in the 98* heat today for about an hour.  Tomorrow morning I am doing maternity photos for a friend and my nephew has a 3pm baseball game, then back to work on Sunday (and July 4). 

Next week I see the NUT for the final time (6th visit) on Wednesday.  I have also emailed the fitness trainer who works in my employer's gym and she is going to do measurements, a fitness assessment and help me come up with a workout plan for the next few weeks pre-op.  We'll see where to go with it once I am cleared for working out again.

 Each payday I buy a little something for my post-op kitchen. RIght now I don't cook at all, but I know that will have to change post-op.  I have printed some seemingly simple recipes from Nik and a few from eggface.  I bought a mini-chopper, a blender, a stick mixer (is that what it is called?  LOL ), a mini-loaf pan and today a mini-muffin pan.   Now I really need to clean and organize my kitchen so I have somewhere to put this stuff (along with the 3 bottles so far of SF syrup).