September 11, 2001. I was driving home from an overnight shift at work, stopped at a traffic light when the DJs said "apparently there has been an accident, a small bi-plane has hit the World Trade Center". I went on home and to bed before they learned the truth.
Those words would later haunt me as I watched rolling news footage of the hijacked airliners crashing into the World Trade Center towers, the rubble of the Pentagon, and the smoking field in Pennsylvania.
This year is the 10th "anniversary" of the attacks. I can remember the "we're in it together" feeling in '01, compared to the "it's all about me" of today. The Congress singing "God Bless America" on the Capitol steps, vs it being illegal for a teacher to have a Bible in school. The times have changed, and I am not convinced it is for the better. Maybe that is the real reason we have avoided terrorist attacks - they hate us for freedom and we are losing it (mandatory healthcare insurance) and they hate us for Jesus - and we have abandoned Him for the god of ourselves.
Work is all drama all the time. It isn't fun anymore, but I still love my job and believe things will settle down at some point. I hope.
I have lost about 13lbs. Kind of ridiculous considering I am just over 4wks out from surgery, but I went to support group Tuesday night and Dr. Friedman said to not worry about it. He said since I am working out I shouldn't even be stepping on the scale because my measurements are what will change most. I am not sure I am ok with that.... weight is what has to change for me to ride Buddy, to stop worrying about if a chair will hold me, to not have a panic attack if J-Rod wants to show off by picking me up.
Mostly it is my fault, I am not getting in even close to 64oz of fluids because drinking makes me nauseous. I need to just suck it up and get my fluids in. I also am not getting enough protein. I might get 60grms some days, but the nutritionist said since I am in the gym I should be getting around 80. So, I ordered $100 worth of protein shake stuff. I think the ready-to-drink kind are best for me since I don't like to stop long enough to mix one up.
I went Monday and bought "real" running shoes. They are comfortable enough when I am working out, but my feet hurt in the morning. *shrug* They were $107 so I will just have to suck that up too.
This week I started increasing the weights on my strength training. I feel so weak and I have NO endurance at all. I guess that is needing the protein.... but it is frustrating and discouraging.
This past Friday my super-morbidly-obese mom fell in the van. We drove to the fire department and they helped her up. Saturday she couldn't stand on her own at all and only for a few seconds with help, then her knees would collapse. We called an ambulance and after one regular unit showed up, they called the bariatric ambulance - with its big framed stretcher, ramps and winch for loading the patient. I don't want to be there.
Anyway, the doctor said she has pretty much zero joint space in her knees because of all the arthritis. She gave my mom shots in each knee. My mom has been doing better, but the steroids knocked her diabetes into a tailspin (I don't want to be there). I ordered a lift for her to go in the pool. I am hoping and praying it will work and has a long enough reach to get her out. We'll try it out a few times before she goes in. Hopefully we'll get that in this weekend.
Tomorrow I go to get measurements with the trainer at work. I'll try to remember to update them here.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Labor Day
Today has been a relatively easy day. I slept late and stayed around my folks house most of the day. I even had some pureed rib meat w/o BBQ sauce. hehe
I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for about 30min, ending up about 1.25 miles. I did pushups on the weightbar and plank pulls too. Then I used 5 lb weights for concentrated bicep curls, overhead tricep and lateral raises. Then I did .75 miles on the bike for a cooldown.
After the gym I headed to Publix for vitamins, Mio water flavoring and Greek yogurt. I left $140 later!!! I did get some more vitamin c, some liquid calcium (that may not work for me), some biotin (hair help), eggs, and other stuff.
I told myself I wasn't going to weigh except at Dr. Friedman's but I did.... I have only lost 8 lbs since surgery almost 3 weeks ago - and this is the stage (3 wks post op) where people hit stalls. I have to step up my protein, calorie and water intake. I bought some ready to drink protein at Publix so maybe I will do better about getting started with protein in the morning. And it will count towards my liquids.
This afternoon I had to seperate the dwarf rabbits... Oops was being a little aggressive. I need to get them scheduled to visit the vet for neutering, hopefully they would be able to stay together after that.
Rio isn't doing real well as far as his knees are concerned. Saturday night he and Rags chased down a 'possum and attacked it. I called them off - the possum was ok, Rio is not. Sometimes he just barely sets his left toes on the ground. He seems lame on the right knee as well. I am really worried about him, he is too young to have all of these problems. If he is still lame tomorrow I will have to reschedule him with either the surgeon or Dr. Coy and get him checked out. Lots of $$ going there, and he is still hurting. Makes me angry and sad.
I have a ton of things I want / need to buy:
horse trailer, pool lift for my mom, Rio another surgery, rabbits neutered.....
I was able to wear some of the jeans S gave me, and as the day went on and they stretched out they were too big. I can't quite get into the next size down so I don't know what to do. I guess the one pair of dress type pants that fit I will wear all week lol. I have been looking at an equestrian website and still just can't buy into me being able to wear clothes from a regular store like that (especially at 8lbs lost).
I really really want to go to the charity tril ride for the horse assistance council in October. I would take Buddy just to expose him to the activity and I would dream of fitting in... and of being able to buy a T-shirt without the lady looking at me like I had 3 heads like she did last year.
Ok... tired and sore, gotta take T-vo to school in the morning so I need to go to bed.
I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for about 30min, ending up about 1.25 miles. I did pushups on the weightbar and plank pulls too. Then I used 5 lb weights for concentrated bicep curls, overhead tricep and lateral raises. Then I did .75 miles on the bike for a cooldown.
After the gym I headed to Publix for vitamins, Mio water flavoring and Greek yogurt. I left $140 later!!! I did get some more vitamin c, some liquid calcium (that may not work for me), some biotin (hair help), eggs, and other stuff.
I told myself I wasn't going to weigh except at Dr. Friedman's but I did.... I have only lost 8 lbs since surgery almost 3 weeks ago - and this is the stage (3 wks post op) where people hit stalls. I have to step up my protein, calorie and water intake. I bought some ready to drink protein at Publix so maybe I will do better about getting started with protein in the morning. And it will count towards my liquids.
This afternoon I had to seperate the dwarf rabbits... Oops was being a little aggressive. I need to get them scheduled to visit the vet for neutering, hopefully they would be able to stay together after that.
Rio isn't doing real well as far as his knees are concerned. Saturday night he and Rags chased down a 'possum and attacked it. I called them off - the possum was ok, Rio is not. Sometimes he just barely sets his left toes on the ground. He seems lame on the right knee as well. I am really worried about him, he is too young to have all of these problems. If he is still lame tomorrow I will have to reschedule him with either the surgeon or Dr. Coy and get him checked out. Lots of $$ going there, and he is still hurting. Makes me angry and sad.
I have a ton of things I want / need to buy:
horse trailer, pool lift for my mom, Rio another surgery, rabbits neutered.....
I was able to wear some of the jeans S gave me, and as the day went on and they stretched out they were too big. I can't quite get into the next size down so I don't know what to do. I guess the one pair of dress type pants that fit I will wear all week lol. I have been looking at an equestrian website and still just can't buy into me being able to wear clothes from a regular store like that (especially at 8lbs lost).
I really really want to go to the charity tril ride for the horse assistance council in October. I would take Buddy just to expose him to the activity and I would dream of fitting in... and of being able to buy a T-shirt without the lady looking at me like I had 3 heads like she did last year.
Ok... tired and sore, gotta take T-vo to school in the morning so I need to go to bed.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Hello? (hello...helllo...helllo)
Ok... ok... I haven't been here but I have been blogging at obesityhelp.com under LJ1972, so I can catch up there.
The short story - had problem free RNY Gastric bypass surgery at 0730 on Tusday, August 16. I was up walking in less than 2hrs and had zero problems. Dr. Friedman (and the nurses, and my visitors) said I didn't even look like I'd had surgery - no bent over in pain walking (except when my drain started hurting me Wednesday night), no paleness or dark shadows under my eyes, no nausea or unexplainable pain (as in, no pain that wasn't caused by outside forces - drain, driving over railroad tracks, etc). On the day after my 1 week post-op I walked a mile, did the same the next day.
Post-op followup with Dr. Friedman was uneventful - he was pleased with my progress and told me he would release me to general activity and gym workouts. He said to use good judgement and common sense as far as what to do - if it caused discomfort or pain to stop.
Of course, I am too stubborn to admit I need rest after surgery so I have done too much. No pain, no soreness or issues, but just taking too much energy being taken away from healing because I am doing so much. Had a reality check from my counselor who scolded me for the first time in the years I have been seeing him, and also someone online. They reminded me the first month my body is concentrating on healing from the trauma of major surgery and any extra energy I use working out is being taken away from the healing process. Soo I am resting a little more. It does feel good because I have spent the last week exhausted.
I am also having to work on getting my water and protein in. It is so hard to remember without an appetite.
Today we have Tropical Storm Lee out in the Gulf. It is headed to Louisiana but we are expecting lots of rain and wind. Right now it is just a steady light rain and occasional breeze.
"Farm" notes"
The "woosters" have hit puberty so I have them in the old meatie run and Pat has the run of the backyard. I don't mind her being out there but it isn't ideal for her safety. My friend gave me a nice rabbit hutch with a big house attached so yesterday my dad helped me divide the inside of the house in half so I can make a nesting area for Pat. I just need to put up a some fencing to make her a small pen. I am also going to fence under the hutch - I put a platform of privacy fence panel underneath in case she is more inclined to go there in hot weather.
The dwarf rabbits (Cheeto and Oops) are in the new hutch and Bon, the big rabbit , is in the cage my dad made for me. It is under the shelter in the meatie pen
The day before surgery I sent Buddy off for 30 days of training. I wish I had asked for more than just ground training, but I guess I need to start slow for both of our sakes. Trainer says he is smart and willing, and she is going to teach me to work with him. Hopefully he will grow some more so I can ride him after he is 3 and trained (April at least). I really really want to take him to the charity trail ride for the Horse Assistance Council, even though I can't ride him. I think the exposure to the new environment (woods) and all of the activity would be good for him. And I can wear jeans now and probably even fit into one of the Tshirts. Non-Scale victory #1??
Before surgery I worked out with CM - the trainer at the gym at work. She busted me up! IT was awesome! I have 7 paid for sessions waiting for me once I get some energy and endurance back- probably October . I want her to help get me ready to RUN a 5k in the spring. Crazy huh?
I am also trying to work up my nerve to go to the Escambia Search and Rescue membership meeting.... but I don't have anything to offer right now except just me. *sigh*
Anyway... lots going on, lots of "hope" on the horizon. I am ready to live life. At least... I think I am.
The short story - had problem free RNY Gastric bypass surgery at 0730 on Tusday, August 16. I was up walking in less than 2hrs and had zero problems. Dr. Friedman (and the nurses, and my visitors) said I didn't even look like I'd had surgery - no bent over in pain walking (except when my drain started hurting me Wednesday night), no paleness or dark shadows under my eyes, no nausea or unexplainable pain (as in, no pain that wasn't caused by outside forces - drain, driving over railroad tracks, etc). On the day after my 1 week post-op I walked a mile, did the same the next day.
Post-op followup with Dr. Friedman was uneventful - he was pleased with my progress and told me he would release me to general activity and gym workouts. He said to use good judgement and common sense as far as what to do - if it caused discomfort or pain to stop.
Of course, I am too stubborn to admit I need rest after surgery so I have done too much. No pain, no soreness or issues, but just taking too much energy being taken away from healing because I am doing so much. Had a reality check from my counselor who scolded me for the first time in the years I have been seeing him, and also someone online. They reminded me the first month my body is concentrating on healing from the trauma of major surgery and any extra energy I use working out is being taken away from the healing process. Soo I am resting a little more. It does feel good because I have spent the last week exhausted.
I am also having to work on getting my water and protein in. It is so hard to remember without an appetite.
Today we have Tropical Storm Lee out in the Gulf. It is headed to Louisiana but we are expecting lots of rain and wind. Right now it is just a steady light rain and occasional breeze.
"Farm" notes"
The "woosters" have hit puberty so I have them in the old meatie run and Pat has the run of the backyard. I don't mind her being out there but it isn't ideal for her safety. My friend gave me a nice rabbit hutch with a big house attached so yesterday my dad helped me divide the inside of the house in half so I can make a nesting area for Pat. I just need to put up a some fencing to make her a small pen. I am also going to fence under the hutch - I put a platform of privacy fence panel underneath in case she is more inclined to go there in hot weather.
The dwarf rabbits (Cheeto and Oops) are in the new hutch and Bon, the big rabbit , is in the cage my dad made for me. It is under the shelter in the meatie pen
The day before surgery I sent Buddy off for 30 days of training. I wish I had asked for more than just ground training, but I guess I need to start slow for both of our sakes. Trainer says he is smart and willing, and she is going to teach me to work with him. Hopefully he will grow some more so I can ride him after he is 3 and trained (April at least). I really really want to take him to the charity trail ride for the Horse Assistance Council, even though I can't ride him. I think the exposure to the new environment (woods) and all of the activity would be good for him. And I can wear jeans now and probably even fit into one of the Tshirts. Non-Scale victory #1??
Before surgery I worked out with CM - the trainer at the gym at work. She busted me up! IT was awesome! I have 7 paid for sessions waiting for me once I get some energy and endurance back- probably October . I want her to help get me ready to RUN a 5k in the spring. Crazy huh?
I am also trying to work up my nerve to go to the Escambia Search and Rescue membership meeting.... but I don't have anything to offer right now except just me. *sigh*
Anyway... lots going on, lots of "hope" on the horizon. I am ready to live life. At least... I think I am.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Workouts , etc
Yay me, staying on top of this blogging thing! hehe
So yesterday afternoon I had my first 30 minute session with the fitness trainer at work. I'm not gonna lie - I was scared to death going in! It wasn't bad. It was a good, hard workout but I was able to do everything, I just had to set my mind to it. She was encouraging - I had expected I guess for her to yell or something LOL- maybe I watch too much "Biggest Loser' and "Heavy"
I am going back each Friday until the week before my surgery. In addition, I'll also be working the plans she gave me at night after work. I want to do my part to be healthy and ready for surgery.
My sister's friend brought me SEVEN bags of clothes yesterday. I am going to go buy a couple of tote bins so my mom and I can go through them and seperate what I won't wear. No point taking those home, just send them on to the church mission sale. I still have to do my errands from yesterday as well (R and the boys came over so I stayed with them). THAT means I have to leave Rio with my parents who are now napping. I just can't get a routine.
He is doing pretty well. This pic is from Thursday night, his surgery was Wednesday. The swelling and most of the bruising are gone now.
So yesterday afternoon I had my first 30 minute session with the fitness trainer at work. I'm not gonna lie - I was scared to death going in! It wasn't bad. It was a good, hard workout but I was able to do everything, I just had to set my mind to it. She was encouraging - I had expected I guess for her to yell or something LOL- maybe I watch too much "Biggest Loser' and "Heavy"
I am going back each Friday until the week before my surgery. In addition, I'll also be working the plans she gave me at night after work. I want to do my part to be healthy and ready for surgery.
My sister's friend brought me SEVEN bags of clothes yesterday. I am going to go buy a couple of tote bins so my mom and I can go through them and seperate what I won't wear. No point taking those home, just send them on to the church mission sale. I still have to do my errands from yesterday as well (R and the boys came over so I stayed with them). THAT means I have to leave Rio with my parents who are now napping. I just can't get a routine.
He is doing pretty well. This pic is from Thursday night, his surgery was Wednesday. The swelling and most of the bruising are gone now.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Catching Up
I am so glad I am here writing consistently LOL.
Ok... I have been approved for my RNY gastric bypass surgery and I am scheduled for August 16.... 4 days before my 39th birthday. Hmm. I have a 6 day clear liquid diet (protein shake for bfast, lunch and dinner and all the water, crystal lite, G2 and broth I can stand wahoooo) before surgery - it starts 8/10. I see Dr. R on 8/2 and have various other appts throughout until surgery day (pre op education, pre-surg registration and visit with anesthesia, pre-surg consult with Dr Friedman). I am mostly excited at this point. Dr. F's nurse assures me the anxiety will be taken care of. In fact they called in a scrip for xanax for me to start taking 8/2 twice a day and I haven't gone to get it yet - I think it has been a week. OOPS
I also have to take my FMLA paperwork because I have to have it back within 15 days.
But I can't just go charging out the door to get it - Rio had his TPLO surgery on his right knee yesterday. I was able to get him this morning (and that clinic reminded me how much I love my vet). He has to have assistance (sling) to get around but he didn't get that memo - I am constantly having to make him lay back down. He does not stay well when I leave even when I tied him to my dad's chair. I went to the vet and got him some sedatives because I have tons of stuff coming up over the next couple of weeks, not counting work!
The ortho surgeon called yesterday to let me know Rio did ok through the surgery and he also told me that he believes I will have to be back in the fall to get Rio's left knee done. I don't know if I can do this again - maybe I should get sedatives for ME!!!
I have been working out very regularly, following the plan the trainer made for me. I don't think I have lost any weight, but maybe inches? *shrug* at any rate, last night I was restless and I stretched / tightened my leg and I thought I was going to pass out... I felt a muscle in my thigh!!! (the top, not the back where all the flab is :) ).
I need to write down my to do list for tomorrow! It is growing!
I see Jim at 11, have to go back to the vet surgery center (they forgot to fill out my insurance stuff), go to Baptist to drop off the FMLA and pick up my scrip on the way back. Also at 2 I have a "personal trainer" session in the gym and I feel pretty sure I will be in traction along with Rio afterwards!
Ok... I have been approved for my RNY gastric bypass surgery and I am scheduled for August 16.... 4 days before my 39th birthday. Hmm. I have a 6 day clear liquid diet (protein shake for bfast, lunch and dinner and all the water, crystal lite, G2 and broth I can stand wahoooo) before surgery - it starts 8/10. I see Dr. R on 8/2 and have various other appts throughout until surgery day (pre op education, pre-surg registration and visit with anesthesia, pre-surg consult with Dr Friedman). I am mostly excited at this point. Dr. F's nurse assures me the anxiety will be taken care of. In fact they called in a scrip for xanax for me to start taking 8/2 twice a day and I haven't gone to get it yet - I think it has been a week. OOPS
I also have to take my FMLA paperwork because I have to have it back within 15 days.
But I can't just go charging out the door to get it - Rio had his TPLO surgery on his right knee yesterday. I was able to get him this morning (and that clinic reminded me how much I love my vet). He has to have assistance (sling) to get around but he didn't get that memo - I am constantly having to make him lay back down. He does not stay well when I leave even when I tied him to my dad's chair. I went to the vet and got him some sedatives because I have tons of stuff coming up over the next couple of weeks, not counting work!
The ortho surgeon called yesterday to let me know Rio did ok through the surgery and he also told me that he believes I will have to be back in the fall to get Rio's left knee done. I don't know if I can do this again - maybe I should get sedatives for ME!!!
I have been working out very regularly, following the plan the trainer made for me. I don't think I have lost any weight, but maybe inches? *shrug* at any rate, last night I was restless and I stretched / tightened my leg and I thought I was going to pass out... I felt a muscle in my thigh!!! (the top, not the back where all the flab is :) ).
I need to write down my to do list for tomorrow! It is growing!
I see Jim at 11, have to go back to the vet surgery center (they forgot to fill out my insurance stuff), go to Baptist to drop off the FMLA and pick up my scrip on the way back. Also at 2 I have a "personal trainer" session in the gym and I feel pretty sure I will be in traction along with Rio afterwards!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Visit with Fitness Trainer and Nutritionist
Tuesday July 5, I went to see the fitness trainer at work. I wanted to get measurements and such before my surgery (probably early August). I told her I was so humiliated to have someone see my size in inches - but turns out she used to work at a resort type place that did adult weight loss programs for super morbidly obese (in fact, where the show "Heavy" is filmed). She also came up with a custom workout plan for me and emailed it to me on Wednesday. She sent 3 different routines for 3 days a week for 3 weeks, then I will go back for more measurements. I did the 1st circuit Wednesday night and it was great! Hard, but doable. I left drenched in sweat but very happy with my effort - it was the perfect combination of pushing myself and being able to go the distance.
Wednesday morning I saw the nutritionist for my final visit of 6. Now Dr. Friedman's office will send in my info to the insurance and see if I get approved. Once I have approval it will be a quick turn around to scheduling pre-op education class (a 2hr Monday evening) and then scheduling the surgery. I am hoping for around Aug 8-9 so that my sister will be off work and can stay at the hospital at least the very first night with me. Also, my counselor J will be out of town the end of July - 2nd of August and I want him to be in town in case I have a panic attack in my hospital room.
Anyway, these were my "stats" from the trainer Tuesday:
Weight 316.3
% Body fat - 55.10% (ugh )
Measurements:
Waist - 47.75
Bicep - 21
Chest - 52.5
Hip - 60 (baby got back... and back... and more back)
Thigh - 35 (she measured way different than I thought, my upper thighs are def bigger than that)
Calf - 22.5 (you notice my upper arm is almost as big as my calf? I'm thinking there will be need for PS there)
I'm not getting upset or down on myself for the measurements - I am working too hard to fix them so there is no point in getting all worked up. They do reaffirm my need for help, though.
Wednesday morning I saw the nutritionist for my final visit of 6. Now Dr. Friedman's office will send in my info to the insurance and see if I get approved. Once I have approval it will be a quick turn around to scheduling pre-op education class (a 2hr Monday evening) and then scheduling the surgery. I am hoping for around Aug 8-9 so that my sister will be off work and can stay at the hospital at least the very first night with me. Also, my counselor J will be out of town the end of July - 2nd of August and I want him to be in town in case I have a panic attack in my hospital room.
Anyway, these were my "stats" from the trainer Tuesday:
Weight 316.3
% Body fat - 55.10% (ugh )
Measurements:
Waist - 47.75
Bicep - 21
Chest - 52.5
Hip - 60 (baby got back... and back... and more back)
Thigh - 35 (she measured way different than I thought, my upper thighs are def bigger than that)
Calf - 22.5 (you notice my upper arm is almost as big as my calf? I'm thinking there will be need for PS there)
I'm not getting upset or down on myself for the measurements - I am working too hard to fix them so there is no point in getting all worked up. They do reaffirm my need for help, though.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Copy / Paste
Since I have fallen behind here, I will just copy / paste from my OH blog :)
----------------------------
June 25
Last night I was thinking about surgery and about how I had an anxiety attack waking up from my wisdom teeth surgery. I was thinking (worrying) about being "tied down' by IV tubes and compression socks, etc. About going sooo long without anything to drink and how that dry scratchy throat triggers panic attacks for me.... and right there last night I had horrible anxiety. I had to get up after a while and take some meds because it was like there was electricity all under my skin.
If I freak out just THINKING about those things, what is going to happen when they are reality?
I have told my surgeon's nurse about my anxiety, but I just don't know how to impress on them how much of a problem it can really be. I see my PCP but not until Aug 2 so I don't know if that will be time for him to help me through it or not. My counselor will be in town and available, but that isn't going to do me much good in recovery. *sigh* I am afraid. Not of pain (not looking forward to it, but not afraid of it), not of dying (I am a Christian and know where I will be).... I am afraid of being afraid!! sheesh.
------------------------
July 1
I had my session with J, my counselor today. I have been seeing him for years because of PTSD, depression, etc and he will be my counselor through the WLS as well. I am buddies with him and his wife... not "Grill out and watch the game" kind of friends, but "wave hello at church and give me a call sometime" buddies. He is very excited for me having WLS and has been reading mental health sites so he will be brushed up / fresh on the info.... that means a lot to me.
We talked some about my anxiety attack last Friday night. He wants me to continue to picture myself going through the pre-surgery admission process but to be more aware of when I start feeling anxious. I will call him as soon as I am halfway coherent after surgery - my sister will call him and let him know how I am doing. He said he and his wife may come visit if it is ok with me - I am thinking who cares if he hears me "toot", I will love to have a grounding visit from him.
I have a busy day tomorrow. I keep planning to do so much towards exercising and I always seem to get through the day without it. I did do a lot of hard work outside in the 98* heat today for about an hour. Tomorrow morning I am doing maternity photos for a friend and my nephew has a 3pm baseball game, then back to work on Sunday (and July 4).
Next week I see the NUT for the final time (6th visit) on Wednesday. I have also emailed the fitness trainer who works in my employer's gym and she is going to do measurements, a fitness assessment and help me come up with a workout plan for the next few weeks pre-op. We'll see where to go with it once I am cleared for working out again.
Each payday I buy a little something for my post-op kitchen. RIght now I don't cook at all, but I know that will have to change post-op. I have printed some seemingly simple recipes from Nik and a few from eggface. I bought a mini-chopper, a blender, a stick mixer (is that what it is called? LOL ), a mini-loaf pan and today a mini-muffin pan. Now I really need to clean and organize my kitchen so I have somewhere to put this stuff (along with the 3 bottles so far of SF syrup).
----------------------------
June 25
Last night I was thinking about surgery and about how I had an anxiety attack waking up from my wisdom teeth surgery. I was thinking (worrying) about being "tied down' by IV tubes and compression socks, etc. About going sooo long without anything to drink and how that dry scratchy throat triggers panic attacks for me.... and right there last night I had horrible anxiety. I had to get up after a while and take some meds because it was like there was electricity all under my skin.
If I freak out just THINKING about those things, what is going to happen when they are reality?
I have told my surgeon's nurse about my anxiety, but I just don't know how to impress on them how much of a problem it can really be. I see my PCP but not until Aug 2 so I don't know if that will be time for him to help me through it or not. My counselor will be in town and available, but that isn't going to do me much good in recovery. *sigh* I am afraid. Not of pain (not looking forward to it, but not afraid of it), not of dying (I am a Christian and know where I will be).... I am afraid of being afraid!! sheesh.
------------------------
July 1
I had my session with J, my counselor today. I have been seeing him for years because of PTSD, depression, etc and he will be my counselor through the WLS as well. I am buddies with him and his wife... not "Grill out and watch the game" kind of friends, but "wave hello at church and give me a call sometime" buddies. He is very excited for me having WLS and has been reading mental health sites so he will be brushed up / fresh on the info.... that means a lot to me.
We talked some about my anxiety attack last Friday night. He wants me to continue to picture myself going through the pre-surgery admission process but to be more aware of when I start feeling anxious. I will call him as soon as I am halfway coherent after surgery - my sister will call him and let him know how I am doing. He said he and his wife may come visit if it is ok with me - I am thinking who cares if he hears me "toot", I will love to have a grounding visit from him.
I have a busy day tomorrow. I keep planning to do so much towards exercising and I always seem to get through the day without it. I did do a lot of hard work outside in the 98* heat today for about an hour. Tomorrow morning I am doing maternity photos for a friend and my nephew has a 3pm baseball game, then back to work on Sunday (and July 4).
Next week I see the NUT for the final time (6th visit) on Wednesday. I have also emailed the fitness trainer who works in my employer's gym and she is going to do measurements, a fitness assessment and help me come up with a workout plan for the next few weeks pre-op. We'll see where to go with it once I am cleared for working out again.
Each payday I buy a little something for my post-op kitchen. RIght now I don't cook at all, but I know that will have to change post-op. I have printed some seemingly simple recipes from Nik and a few from eggface. I bought a mini-chopper, a blender, a stick mixer (is that what it is called? LOL ), a mini-loaf pan and today a mini-muffin pan. Now I really need to clean and organize my kitchen so I have somewhere to put this stuff (along with the 3 bottles so far of SF syrup).
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